my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
