do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
