it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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