My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
