Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Acid is not a monday night drug
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
