I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
