Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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