PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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