When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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