Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
