i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
