Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
