I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
