Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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