you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ttyl tear gas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
