Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
