Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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