please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
