Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
