Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
