does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
