Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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