you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
