I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
