All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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