Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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