So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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