i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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