I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
