Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
