is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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