I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
