a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
