so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
