Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
