saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a naked man in my car right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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