maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I puked a lego.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Boobs are out for the taking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
