There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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