Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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