get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
