so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
