I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
