I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
