don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
