If i come over, it means nothing
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
