i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
