i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
