I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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