I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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