The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
