Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
