did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
