I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
