That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
