I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
