so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize