youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
