You don't have asthma, your pregnant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
