I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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