Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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