Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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