ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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