Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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