If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
