the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
