what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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